April 19, 2002

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 15

bigtips

My new roommates turned out to be the Bickersons

by M.T. 'the Big Tipper' Martone Dear Big Tipper,

I recently moved into a group house. The two people who were already living there are a couple, and they're friends of a friend, so I didn't know them very well before I moved in, but they seemed nice.

Now that I've been living there for a month or so, it is clear that they fight all the time, and when they're not fighting, they're giving each other the silent treatment. It's very stressful, and I've already started coming home later and later at night, and I've only been there a month.

I told them that I'd live here at least a year, but my name's not on the lease. What should I do?

Fight Club: The Home Edition

Dear Baby It's Cold Inside,

If they're that miserable, they probably don't have much room to prioritize your happiness or peace. You could check in with your mutual friends to see if this is unusual: maybe something specific is going on that will blow over. But if they're still at it a month from now, I'd start looking for a new place. Let them know you're looking so they can find a new housemate, too. Maybe one who's a couples counselor.

Dear Big Tipper,

mainstream porn shops and ask them who in the area sells the old stuff. I'd also suggest going online and checking auction sites. I would not suggest searching for "vintage gay porn" on Google when you're at work, unless you want to be shutting down pop-up windows until you give up and close your browser. (Okay, that was me.)

You could also pick up a book like Male Nudes, published by Taschen. (Taschen's publishing niche is massive, high quality compilations of erotic images-or the occasional collection of NYC apartment shotsfor not too high a price. The binding has been known to give out, but you get more than your money's worth of images.) It's not all men in chaps getting poked, but it is a fat brick of a book jammed with images for your mind's eye.

BIG TIPS

My girlfriend just found my secret stash of porn, and threw it out. I came home and she said she was cleaning out our old roommate's room, and found them in the closet, and got rid of them.

I'm really, really pissed, because it's taken me years to collect those magazines, and they're irreplaceable. Lots of them, like Drummer, aren't even in print anymore, so I couldn't even get new issues. We have lots of stuff we've bought together, like lesbian erotica and sex toys, but when I strap it on and give it to her, I really like some good Bunkhouse pictures in my mind.

I've never told her that I like boy porn, and I don't know if I'll tell her that those magazines were mine, but I'm pissed! How can I rebuild my collection?

Doing the Chick, Picturing Dick

Dear Dick Fan Dyke,

Well, before you start buying, you need to find a better hiding place. Then I'd actually just check the phone book and start making calls.

Vintage porn (and that can be from the '50s or the '90s) is big business, and there are stores in every city that sell it. Start with

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Dear Big Tipper.

I have just realized, with horror and sadness, that the man I've been building a life with for almost a year does not share some of my deepest dreams and goals.

When "Antoine" and I met that fateful spring night, it was a whirlwind of perfection. He was incredibly handsome, and he called me the next day! We moved in together after two months of dating, and everything we discussed put us on the same page. We both wanted to live in Europe and start businesses. (I'm a fashion design student, and he wants to open a café and bookstore.)

We both loved the same music and had similar senses of style, and went to all the same clubs and stores, and even found we had some of the same friends. Everyone says we're beautiful together, and we've even been asked to pose together for a magazine spread.

This all came crashing down last night when he told me that he didn't really think he could open a café in Italy since he didn't speak Italian, and it would be too hard. I told him he was just doubting himself, but that he was strong and had a dream, and he could make it work. He also said he thought it would probably be better for me to try to get a job here before I tried to work in Europe, when the whole point was to go and be fresh and inspired by the culture and language and fashion world of Europe.

I haven't stopped crying, and he just went off to work today like our dream isn't crashing into the ocean. How can we continue on? How can I dream this dream without

him?

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Dear DisContinentuity.

Oh, sweetie. Part of new relationships is sharing your dreams and fantasizing about how those plans might come together in a long-term way. That's also part of being young.

Your relationship may last and it may not. but your boyfriend just sounds like he had the bluebird of practicality chirp in his ear, and he sent it over to shit on your head. It may be hard to hear, but starting a business is hairy when you're a native and have everything going for you, including an ability to communicate with your vendors. He's just trying to make a reasonable plan for his future.

That doesn't mean that it would be wrong for you to finish school and then head off to

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Italy. But I can tell you that if this is making you cry, you'd better learn the Italian word for "Kleenex" before you get there, because it's stressful starting somewhere new. and it doesn't sound like boyfriend's going there with you.

Does your design program have any sort of international internship program? You'd rally benefit from having some connections. At the very least, make sure you have enough money saved to live for several months while you look.

Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips. P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone-a drizzle.com.

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